Grave thoughts and dark visions
Of sitting in the cemetery while
Making some very hard decisions
Kinda wishing she was still here
Even though she's better off with me gone
And I no longer fear
Being alone cause this was how it was meant to be
And all my so called friends who left are dead to me
Especially considering that I’ve never been
This much at peace at least now I can breathe again
I go to sleep at ten in the morning
Then wake up at four or five
Hop in the car and drive around exploring
The outskirts of my city and parts of my state
Rarely ever seen or visited... as of late
I’m wholeheartedly trying to see the bright side
Like Peep did before he died / I might provide
Some insight into why I am the way I am
Or say fuck it they never will understand

I could use a bad bitch in a black latex catsuit
With some eyeshadow, lipstick and a neck tattoo
Caressing my flesh and whispering in my ear while
I sit on the edge of a bed in front of a mirror / Smile
Like she’s everything I ever wanted in life
If I saw her come behind my psycho ex with a knife
And cut her throat... I’d have a moment of clarity
Kneel down in that pool of blood and ask her to marry me

I know it’s scary how my mind works / I thirst
For growth like a tree in a graveyard behind a church
While I search uncharted depths I can’t explain
How I’m able to find the dark recesses of my brain
A soothing place I’m always chasing the same ghost
Through an endless maze of corridors I came close
To falling into a bottomless pit countless times
Some days feel like my whole world’s been sound designed
By David Lynch or Trent Reznor
All I know is shit quality air, polluted rivers and grim weather
And I’m never unwilling venture into the dark
And dimly lit corridors built within a large
Network of sub level basements and cellars
Littered with all kinds of debris and unseen dwellers
Featureless and hard to distinguish
Speaking in tongues and off and on in broken English...

I’m finished with the bullshit and lies
That came out of their mouths
So I picked up and left and drove through several towns
Till I came across one... isolated and quiet
And I got a small apartment with cheap rent / I like it
For it’s unassuming look and I close proximity
To a neighborhood tavern that’s just a block from me
Even though I’ve been sober for five years and running
I enjoy having a Coke every time I come in / So...

I’m there chilling at the bar and minding my own
Business when this guy I could’ve never known
Would change everything up to that point
In my life came over and then asked if he could join
Me for a drink... Introducing himself
As Edmund Noir / I said take a seat / here’s to your health
We sat there for several hours till near close
I was more than shocked he didn’t drink either cause most
Don’t like to share my company without a beer
Or a shot of liquor it felt so refreshing to hear
Almost a kindred spirit we got along great
Every several days we’d meet up and then relate
Different stories and tales from our pasts
Though I admit when I look back he’d only vaguely go into that
We shared similar tastes and liked the same
Type of music and used to one up each other as a game
That’s why I’ll never forget the night I walked in
And seen him there with the most utterly sad grin
I’d ever seen on a human being I asked him what was wrong
He just said it was nothing then rested his palm
On my shoulder and smiled and said I gotta go
I asked if it was for good and he replied no
He stood up then calmly headed outside
That would be the last time I’d ever see him alive